Written by: Steve Henson

Hundreds of college athletes were asked to think back: ‘What is your worst memory from playing youth and high school sports?’

Their overwhelming response: ‘The ride home from games with my parents.’

The informal survey lasted three decades, initiated by two former longtime coaches who over time became staunch advocates for the player, for the adolescent, for the child. Bruce E. Brown and Rob Miller of Proactive Coaching LLC are devoted to helping adults avoid becoming a nightmare sports parent, speaking at colleges, high schools and youth leagues to more than a million athletes, coaches and parents in the last 12 years.

Those same college athletes were asked what their parents said that made them feel great, that amplified their joy during and after a ballgame.

Their overwhelming response: ‘I love to watch you play.’

There it is, from the mouths of babes who grew up to become college and professional athletes. Whether your child is just beginning T-ball or is a travel-team soccer all-star or survived the cuts for the high school varsity, parents take heed.

The vast majority of dads and moms that make rides home from games miserable for their children do so inadvertently. They aren’t stereotypical horrendous sports parents, the ones who scream at referees, loudly second-guess coaches or berate their children. They are well-intentioned folks who can’t help but initiate conversation about the contest before the sweat has dried on their child’s uniform.

In the moments after a game, win or lose, kids desire distance. They make a rapid transition from athlete back to child. And they’d prefer if parents transitioned from spectator – or in many instances from coach – back to mom and dad. ASAP.

Brown (pictured below at podium), a high school and youth coach near Seattle for more than 30 years, says his research shows young athletes especially enjoy having their grandparents watch them perform.

‘Overall, grandparents are more content than parents to simply enjoy watching the child participate,’ he says. ‘Kids recognize that.’

A grandparent is more likely to offer a smile and a hug, say ‘I love watching you play,’ and leave it at that.

Meanwhile a parent might blurt out …

“Why did you swing at that high pitch when we talked about laying off it?’

‘Stay focused even when you are on the bench.”

‘You didn’t hustle back to your position on defense.”

‘You would have won if the ref would have called that obvious foul.”

‘Your coach didn’t have the best team on the field when it mattered most.”

And on and on.

Sure, an element of truth might be evident in the remarks. But the young athlete doesn’t want to hear it immediately after the game. Not from a parent. Comments that undermine teammates, the coach or even officials run counter to everything the young player is taught. And instructional feedback was likely already mentioned by the coach.

‘Let your child bring the game to you if they want to,” Brown says.

Brown and Miller, a longtime coach and college administrator, don’t consider themselves experts, but instead use their platform to convey to parents what three generations of young athletes have told them.

‘Everything we teach came from me asking players questions,’ Brown says. ‘When you have a trusting relationship with kids, you get honest answers. When you listen to young people speak from their heart, they offer a perspective that really resonates.”

So what’s the takeaway for parents?

‘Sports is one of few places in a child’s life where a parent can say, ‘This is your thing,’ ” Miller says. ‘Athletics is one of the best ways for young people to take risks and deal with failure because the consequences aren’t fatal, they aren’t permanent. We’re talking about a game. So they usually don’t want or need a parent to rescue them when something goes wrong.

‘Once you as a parent are assured the team is a safe environment, release your child to the coach and to the game. That way all successes are theirs, all failures are theirs.’

And discussion on the ride home can be about a song on the radio or where to stop for a bite to eat. By the time you pull into the driveway, the relationship ought to have transformed from keenly interested spectator and athlete back to parent and child:

‘We loved watching you play. … Now, how about that homework?’

FIVE SIGNS OF A NIGHTMARE SPORTS PARENT

Nearly 75 percent of kids who play organized sports quit by age 13. Some find that their skill level hits a plateau and the game is no longer fun. Others simply discover other interests. But too many promising young athletes turn away from sports because their parents become insufferable.

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Even professional athletes can behave inappropriately when it comes to their children. David Beckham was recently ejected from a youth soccer field for questioning an official. New Orleans radio host Bobby Hebert, a former NFL quarterback, publicly dressed down LSU football coach Les Miles after Alabama defeated LSU in the BCS title game last month. Hebert was hardly unbiased: His son had recently lost his starting position at LSU.

Mom or dad, so loving and rational at home, can transform into an ogre at a game. A lot of kids internally reach the conclusion that if they quit the sport, maybe they’ll get their dad or mom back.

As a sports parent, this is what you don’t want to become. This is what you want to avoid:

• Overemphasizing sports at the expense of sportsmanship: The best athletes keep their emotions in check and perform at an even keel, win or lose. Parents demonstrative in showing displeasure during a contest are sending the wrong message. Encouragement is crucial — especially when things aren’t going well on the field.

• Having different goals than your child: Brown and Miller suggest jotting down a list of what you want for your child during their sport season. Your son or daughter can do the same. Vastly different lists are a red flag. Kids generally want to have fun, enjoy time with their friends, improve their skills and win. Parents who write down “getting a scholarship” or “making the All-Star team” probably need to adjust their goals. “Athletes say their parents believe their role on the team is larger than what the athlete knows it to be,” Miller says.

• Treating your child differently after a loss than a win: Almost all parents love their children the same regardless of the outcome of a game. Yet often their behavior conveys something else. ‘Many young athletes indicate that conversations with their parents after a game somehow make them feel as if their value as a person was tied to playing time or winning,” Brown says.

• Undermining the coach: Young athletes need a single instructional voice during games. That voice has to be the coach. Kids who listen to their parents yelling instruction from the stands or even glancing at their parents for approval from the field are distracted and can’t perform at a peak level. Second-guessing the coach on the ride home is just as insidious.

• Living your own athletic dream through your child: A sure sign is the parent taking credit when the child has done well. “We worked on that shot for weeks in the driveway,” or “You did it just like I showed you” Another symptom is when the outcome of a game means more to a parent than to the child. If you as a parent are still depressed by a loss when the child is already off playing with friends, remind yourself that it’s not your career and you have zero control over the outcome.

FIVE SIGNS OF AN IDEAL SPORTS PARENT

Let’s hear it for the parents who do it right. In many respects, Brown and Miller say, it’s easier to be an ideal sports parent than a nightmare. “It takes less effort,” Miller says. “Sit back and enjoy.” Here’s what to do:

• Cheer everybody on the team, not just your child: Parents should attend as many games as possible and be supportive, yet allow young athletes to find their own solutions. Don’t feel the need to come to their rescue at every crisis. Continue to make positive comments even when the team is struggling.

• Model appropriate behavior: Contrary to the old saying, children do as you do, not as you say. When a parent projects poise, control and confidence, the young athlete is likely to do the same. And when a parent doesn’t dwell on a tough loss, the young athlete will be enormously appreciative.

• Know what is suitable to discuss with the coach: The mental and physical treatment of your child is absolutely appropriate. So is seeking advice on ways to help your child improve. And if you are concerned about your child’s behavior in the team setting, bring that up with the coach. Taboo topics: Playing time, team strategy, and discussing team members other than your child.

• Know your role: Everyone at a game is either a player, a coach, an official or a spectator. “It’s wise to choose only one of those roles at a time,” Brown says. “Some adults have the false impression that by being in a crowd, they become anonymous. People behaving poorly cannot hide.” Here’s a clue: If your child seems embarrassed by you, clean up your act.

• Be a good listener and a great encourager: When your child is ready to talk about a game or has a question about the sport, be all ears. Then provide answers while being mindful of avoiding becoming a nightmare sports parent. Above all, be positive. Be your child’s biggest fan. ‘Good athletes learn better when they seek their own answers,’ Brown says.

And, of course, don’t be sparing with those magic words: ‘I love watching you play.’

BJL_2012_Master_Game_Schedule-weeks 1-2-3

See you on Saturday

Click Here!

http://bocajetslax.boathousegear.com/

Statewide Lacrosse
Goalie Event Registration and Stick Evaluation 9:00 AM
Player Training 10:00 AM – 2:00 PM
Training will include:
• Perfecting the Ready Position
• Step – Body – Balance for Saving
Effectiveness
• Eating the Bounce Shot
• Arc and Angle for a Saving Advantage
• Ground Balls, Stick work, and Clearing
• Free Position Shots
• Reaction saves “Crashing the Pipes”
• Practice Drills for Personal Improvement
• Q&A with the goalie staff
Water stations will be available all day.
There will be a 20 minute break at noon.
Players are encouraged to bring a light snack.
Lunch will not be provided.
Players are required to provide their own
equipment.

The Florida Youth Lacrosse Foundation recognizes the importance of goalie development in Florida youth lacrosse.  We seek to have quality goalie coaches throughout our high school and youth leagues and have once again agreed to subsidize the cost of coach training.

Presented and underwritten by the Florida Youth Lacrosse Foundation, a non-profit 501 (c) (3) organization
Sponsored by Boca Jets Lacrosse
Coaches are FREE!

Click to Download the Brochure!

Best Practice #7 – Save Specialization for Older Kids

Main article by Dr. Richard D. Ginsburg, Ph.D., Co-Director, MGH Sports Psychology Program and Paces Institute

Practice makes perfect. Much of our culture has been driven by this proverb for centuries. And to no surprise, this message courses strongly through the veins of youth sports and in the game of lacrosse. If our children practice the sport of lacrosse every day, they will likely improve their skills and become better players. Such a belief seems entirely logical. But, where do we draw the line? When does more practice make less sense? When does specializing exclusively in one sport from an early age become a risky investment? From another perspective, why shouldn’t we simply commit our children to playing lacrosse exclusively on a year-round basis at a very early age so they can become experts by the time they need a college scholarship or at least a competitive advantage in the college admissions’ process?

Research studies that support the early sport specialization argument exist, even though they are in small numbers. The most well-known study was conducted by Ericsson and colleagues (1993) who reported that musicians training up to 10,000 hours over the course of their careers, using deliberate practice (practice focused solely on improvement and not enjoyment), were more likely to become expert musicians than those who trained significantly less. Since the publication of this study and its popularity enhanced by Malcolm Gladwell’s mention of it in Outliers, we have witnessed a significant surge in sport specialization nationally. Lacrosse, once a sport that was thought to be complementary to other field sports, including hockey, football, soccer, field hockey and basketball, is increasingly affected by the specialization bug. Fall tournaments, winter indoor leagues, summer camps and tournaments, are all now common parts of a lacrosse playing experience.

It comes down to this. A growing number of ten- and eleven-year-olds are being told that they must make a choice about their athletic careers. They are told, “It’s either soccer or lacrosse. It’s either field hockey or lacrosse. … You can’t play both if you want to play at a higher level.” How does a young child choose at this age? How are they able to project into the future and anticipate which sport is going to be a better fit for them both from a performance and enjoyment perspective? Why should they have to choose between friend groups at this age? And what metrics do we have as parents to help guide them?

I personally don’t think these forced choices are driven by an overall concern for the well-being and health of youth. Rather, these decisions are the result of the manipulation of our (parental) fears for the profit of the few. We fear that if we say no to the elite travel team or the summer tournament that conflicts with family plans, we are closing the door on a potential gateway to lacrosse achievement and excellence. Adding to this, we worry if they don’t play, they may lose touch with valued friends and ultimately feel bad about themselves not being a part of the elite team.

And what is the promise of participation on a travel team or in a critical summer or fall tournament? “If you pay the admission ($ x,000 for a season; $y,00 for a tournament ), you might increase your chances for admissions to a higher caliber college … maybe.” Yet, does it really make sense for families to rearrange their weekend plans so their ten- and eleven-year-olds can play in tournaments (up to 4 games in back-to-back days) in 100 degree weather on turf? Do youth sport athletes really need practice 5 days a week, turning family dinners into a rare exception? Is this really what we think is best for our youth?

I find this trend quite concerning on a number of levels. The chances any of our children are able to use lacrosse to get into college are quite low. Approximately 5% of high school senior athletes go on to play any level of collegiate sports. Significantly less play at the Division I level and full scholarships are very rare. While there are currently no data on the sport of lacrosse and college acceptance rates, the growing popularity of the sport make college play an even more remote possibility. And as we intuitively know, exclusive play in one sport, or, putting all your eggs in one basket, has its significant risks. Many researchers and experts have noted that specialization before puberty can be a risk for overuse injury, burnout and stress. Yes, we can site prodigies like Tiger Woods as examples of the value of early specialization, but there are far more stories of burnout and injury, and Tiger’s story hasn’t had such a good chapter lately with evidence of overuse injury and poor character.

And does early specialization really work? It’s debatable. Many Olympic development programs have moved away from early specialization and are looking to diversify the athletic experiences of their youth. Some researchers speak of the value of multiple sports training to avoid over-use injury. Multiple-sport training helps strengthen the athletic range and capacities of our youth, so that when they eventually choose their desired sport, they are versatile, skilled and resilient. We have so much more to study about training and peak performance before we commit our youth to extreme, specialized training in one sport. Critical variables such as the number of hours of playing and training, rest, creative play, implicit vs. explicit motivation, and implementation of competition are all areas that need much further study. In a study we conducted at MGH in Boston on minor league baseball players, the average age of specialization among these top-level athletes was approximately 16 years old. Many played football and basketball through their high school careers.

I do believe that more and more collegiate-bound lacrosse players are choosing to specialize in lacrosse at younger ages, even though a lot of college coaches will say that they prefer multiple-sport athletes. And, while many college coaches may indicate that the skill level of their recruits is higher among specialized athletes, I am not at all convinced that the college coaches are actually getting a better athletic result. Do their specialized recruits have the physical and mental fortitude to weather the challenges of long seasons? How do they deal with adversity, of playing in lesser roles? Do they stick with the program for four years, and how do they compare with the multiple sport recruits? I would like to see a study of this.

Based on these arguments, one might choose to side with the multiple-sport path. But the college game seems to be driving it the other direction. More and more, college coaches are recruiting a fair number of their players based on travel team performance and tournament play. As stated above, these travel teams and tournaments often require substantial fees and huge time commitments. Why would a travel team coach want to suggest that his or her players need to play other sports and take more time off from lacrosse? That would reduce their income. Why would college coaches want the hundreds of youth sport athletes to attend multi-sport camps instead of their highly profitable summer camp programs? It hurts their capacity to recruit and it reduces their profit as well. I know there are great college coaches at all levels that really care about the personal and physical development of their players, but the strength of the specialization current is difficult to overcome, particularly when it runs counter to the profit and convenience of those who have the greatest influence.

So, is there ever a time when specialization makes sense? As parents, we might have children who love lacrosse so much that it’s what they want to do all the time. All their best friends play, the exercise is fabulous, and the fun appears to be there consistently. There may be cases, albeit few, where some children may benefit from playing the sport they love as much as possible, but it is our job as parents to keep a lookout for important variables. Are our kids getting enough sleep? Are they training more than 16-20 hours a week? Are they taking 2-3 months off from lacrosse each year? Are they taking at least 1-2 days off from lacrosse each week? Are they reporting pains in their joints at young ages? Do they have good friends? Are they keeping up with their school work? Are they developing other aspects of their identity? Do these choices work with our family values and schedules? These are critical questions that need to be reviewed each season. And because we as parents may struggle with evaluating our children’s abilities objectively, are we seeking out the advice of other parents, coaches and administrators who have no financial investment or agenda in our kids’ future?

Lacrosse is not a job. It is a game meant to be played by many as part of an overall athletic experience. Very few athletes will progress to play any form of college sports, so when you are making a decision with your child about specializing, ask yourself, does this decision make sense for my child and family, even if playing beyond high school isn’t a possibility? And for those athletes who love playing multiple sports, keep playing. There will always be a place for well-rounded, versatile athletes in the game of lacrosse. For the rest of us, we can enjoy the game as a wonderful addition to a rich and balanced life.

US Lacrosse, Inc. ©2011

The Boca Jets are pleased to announce that Tony Lowe will be the new Director of Coaching and Player Development. This new position was formed to enhance the player experience at Boca Jets Lacrosse by developing and implementing a methodology for training both players and coaches.

Tony Lowe grew up playing lacrosse for Long Island powerhouse, Ward Melville High School. He earned a scholarship to Lehigh University where he was voted athlete of the year in 2002 and 2003, and led Division 1 in goals scored in 2003. In 2004 he founded LearnLax Academy, providing private lacrosse lessons, clinics, camps and later developed the Florida Snipers, Florida’s premier competitive lacrosse program.

Tony will align the Florida Snipers competitive lacrosse program into the Boca Jets. The Florida Snipers were formed in September 2009 to offer highly competitive student-athletes an opportunity to develop their lacrosse skills through practices, training sessions, local games and tournaments.

The Boca Jets are accepting registrations for their Spring 2012 season. To register please visit www.bocajetslacrosse.com

The Florida Snipers will be holding tryouts for their fall season on Sunday, September 18, from 9:00 a.m. – 12:00 p.m. at the AD Henderson field on the campus of FAU in Boca Raton, FL. To register visit www.sniperslacrosse.com

Dust off those lacrosse sticks and come join Boca Jets girls lacrosse this fall for free clinics and pick-up games.

Our first fall lacrosse session will be this Sunday, Sept. 18, beginning with a free clinic for grades K-4 from 4 – 5 PM at El Rio Park in Southeast Boca, 18^th Street near Dixie Hwy.  This clinic is designed to introduce new players to the sport of lacrosse, as well as welcome back current Boca Jets players with instructional work from the Boca Jets coaching staff.

Immediately following the free clinic will be an “open field” scrimmage, with referees, for girls grades 5-8, from 5 – 6 PM.  Girls must be a USLacrosse member and there will be a $5 participation fee.  Checks can be made out to Boca Jets Lacrosse.  We need as many girls to show up as we can get in order to have a full field scrimmage.  Depending on numbers, we will run either a 7v7, 10v10, or 12v12 format.  Again, Boca Jets coaches will be on the field giving instruction as the game is underway.

If you are planning on attending, please send an email to sbraden21@gmail.com with your name and USLacrosse member number by Friday, 9/17.  Please be sure to remember to bring water, reversible pinny’s, and all necessary lacrosse equipment.

Additional clinics/games will be held throughout the fall, with the next one being on Sept 25.  We look forward to seeing everyone out there this Sunday.